What holds the future?

Really, I am afraid.

Afraid that I will be like my dad...toiling away and working hard to keep this roof over my head while I can only sit helplessly and watch.

Will I be like my granddad? My late great grandma was fascinated by my palm-lines because I share the exact pattern as granddad. Would I share the same fate as him - unloved and avoided by all in the family? As he laid on the hospital bed, I was there by his side...I was sad. I had to study for my exams in the hospital. I did an appraisal of his life and then mine.

What if I just turned out to be an under-achiever? An average being at best? I am 27. I should be pulling my weight and do things. But the future I don't see. Not an inkling of what is in store for me. It's scary. It's hazy. Will there be something for me? How hard do I have to look?

And then there's her. The love of my life. Our lives so interwined yet so distant now. I never really understood her. I didnt show her enough of what I feel inside. I was stupid...am stupid. I only hope she finds a better someone. She's too beautiful to be monopolised by me.

I must pick myself up...I will. I absolutely have to.