The pushover who refuses to be pushed anymore

For digression's sake, Thursday was had with Ai Ling over dinner. She's getting interested in stocks too. Looks like the current bull run (though followed by a market correction these last couple of weeks) is tempting everyone.

And we talked about our relationships. I talked about giving me and the ex some time apart but she warned me not to wait too long, which I understood completely. With time, there is an increasing facade between us. And it will be so much harder to get back in then.

By the way, she messaged me on Sunday. We had a quick SMS conversation but that was it. Time's not right for me to ask her out. Yet.

Anyhoo...being the straigtforward sort of klutz I reminded Ai Ling of how her skewed her relationship with her boyfriend is - he really sounds like a pushover. He concedes to her demands, does not take pride in his career or personal appearance etc. I was blunt - she shouldnt be leading this guy on if she doesnt love him. It's totally not right.

Obligation, this is. Love it aint.

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Laurent Garnier was way excellent on Friday! Fucking, fucking great music...especially after 4am when he just dropped all kinds of stuff: raggae, drum and bass (that made me really really breathless cos the beats were just FRANTIC), deep house, house classics, blues (James Brown!)...its Mambo Jumbo of electronica la.

So me and Rongjia left only after 6am. Yeah, it was that good :)

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A call to register myself as a tutor today got me thinking: have I been a sucker all these while? Apparently, the fees I am charging now are 20% lower than what the market is willing to pay.

Especially with Clement, the P4 kid I am tutoring for nearly 40% below the market rate. I thought I should propose an increase soon...

But Mrs Chia has been a really kind soul. She offered me breakfast once, I get herbal tea when I pop by and sometimes, there's Vitagen. Not to forget the generous ang pow I got.

Clement's been a good kid too. Hmmm...maybe not. Spoilt, yes. Naughty, yes. But he did give me a present on Teachers' Day and offers me stuff to eat. If only he pays more attention and tries harder *sigh*

So I guess I will hold back the fee increment thingy.

Not so for Bobby. I am proposing a 20% increase this end of March. Have to be firm - he's done better for his composition already and he's in upper secondary now. I think I am justified. If they are not willing to pay higher, maybe they can find someone else.

Somehoo all that got me thinking about the times when I pass on the chance to assert myself. Like how Felicia would skip the committee meetings back in NUS. Or how I allowed Siow Fen to carry on with her bad attitude during our DND work. Or how I brushed off Mr Lim's comments about my lack of attention to details.

But I learnt.

That's why when Mer wanted to tell me that I got an early release because they wanted to stem the slide in customer service scores, I had to stop her and tell her that I am equally disappointed with the management. That's why I quit. With three classes spread over 2 locations in Tg Pagar and Orchard, I did give my best to give the students my time. That's already additional to the admin work I have to do most part of the day. No one tells me I have to come back on Sat and Sun but I did. It was in the midst of our move so I put in some extra hours without compensation. Fine. At least I get most of my things done. But what totally killed my hope for better things was when I seemingly get blamed for things beyond my control. The leisure time I lost without expecting compensation was never talked about. How I tried to make the best of a messy move to our new campus (we worked without Internet 3 days before our move and had to piggy on the networks of other tenants in the building. That was ridiculous for a supposedly high class institution) was conveniently overlooked.

That's when I made up my mind to leave. I am not quite like the rest who will sit around and keep hoping for changes in the company's work ethics. I figured it's better to change myself than try to change others.