It's getting lonely

When I was criticised, I should have stood up for myself. Why should your friend's opinion matter? Let's face it - there are always going to be some who will hate your guts. Then there are those who will find you kinda likable.

You cant please everyone.

But I didnt. Simply because my confidence is at an all-time low. I wanted her to be there but I didnt want to impose on her. Without me, she's doing so well in her career. She's still very attractive. She almost has everything going for her except she really doesnt like her job that much.

When all the loud cheers and happy vibes die, it's painful to walk down Jiak Kim St alone on my way home. And then thoughts of what she's doing find their way into my head...plus the guilt of how I dont have the time for her.

"Stability"
"Security"
"You are not young anymore"

As if deciding about my career isnt hard enough, I have everyone asking why I dont go for the secure job of teaching. Sure, I thought how it would be to embark on a secure career path, take the relatively good salary and settle into the whole hum-dum of regular hours, get married and have my kids by my side when I die. It all sounds really tempting. To do what everyone else does...

And therein lies my problem. I always ponder a lot before I arrive at a decision. I like to think. Lots.

Flux. Thats my mental state now. More to ensue...